Mikey's Musings

Dating 101: Lesson 2

So I overheard part of a conversation between a guy and a girl as I walked through campus today. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the whole context of it, however the girl talking said, “I’m not going to date until the Spirit pushes me to do so.” Mind you, I have no evidence of whether she was talking about herself or about someone else; whether she meant guys in general or a specific one; or even if it was a hypothetical statement – as already mentioned, the context is unknown. However, whatever the case may be, the case in point is a meaning I wish to extract from it: don’t date anyone until prompted by the Spirit. The point I want to make is that having this frame of mind is far-fetched, immature, and potentially dangerous on a gospel level.

Okay, so this lesson on dating has much involvement with the gospel. So consider this your Sunday School Dating class for the week.

First off, if you don’t date anyone, you will never know what you really want in a spouse, therefore, who you want your spouse to be. In conversations I’ve had as well as personal experience, I’ve noticed that before we step foot in the real world of wooing we have certain Expectations of the opposite gender we want met, which Expectations often demand near perfection. Hence, the girl gets shut down because “There’s someone better out there,” and the guy gets burned because he’s not going to be a doctor or a businessman. I presume there comes afterward (sooner or later, depending on the level of naivety one may have) a state of realization where a person finally figures out that who they marry will not be perfect. Then Mercy comes into the list of Expectations, giving potential significant others a chance they didn’t have when Justice completely dominated. And I’m sure life gets peachy after that.

But I’m derailing the conversation. If you don’t date anyone you will never know who you will want to have as a spouse. And if you decide to only date someone the Spirit prompts you to date, you might be waiting a long time (unless He finally does so out of sheer pity for you, which might be more condescending than we really want). Someone with that frame of mind is immature because it is not congruent with principles of the gospel. “For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward. Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; for the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.” (D&C 58:26-28) “Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me. But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.” The following is an excerpt from the talk “Revelation” by Dallin H. Oaks at Brigham Young University on 29 September 1981: “I once heard a young woman in testimony meeting praise the spirituality of her husband, indicating that he submitted every question to the Lord. She told how he accompanied her shopping and would not even choose between different brands of canned vegetables without making his selection a matter of prayer. That strikes me as improper. I believe the Lord expects us to use the intelligence and experience he has given us to make these kinds of choices.” I can give numerous other examples, but I think you get the drift of what I’m trying to get at.

The purpose of this life is not to constantly be told what to do and when. If that happened, we’d all be spoiled brats whining and moaning (and “weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth”) until we were pointed in the right direction. We’d be those people who are thirty and still living at home. We wouldn’t grow up. There would be no point to this life, for how could we progress save we were given to “act for [ourselves].” (2 Nephi 2:16) The Lord expects us to gain knowledge and wisdom and learn how to use it properly. As Joseph Smith so candidly put it, “You have got to learn how to be Gods yourselves, and to be kings and priests to God.” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p 346, 1976 Deseret Book Company)

So after all of my ramblings and standing on my soap-box, the lesson to be learned is this: don’t sit around and wait for the Spirit to tell you to do something (in this case, don’t sit around and wait for Love to come knocking on your door). Do all things in your power and when direction is needed, direction will be given.